Realizations are usually pretty cool. Sometimes they're nice surprises, but other times they're nasty shocks. Regardless they usually involve a little bit of knowledge, which I would argue is always good. I had a nasty shock in the last year or so.
Since coming to college (ie it took me at least 18 years to realize this) I have noticed that I have little or no self confidence. Which is strange. I have no reason to doubt myself. I have good grades, go to a prestigious school, have an amazing and successful family, and a ton of great friends. But for some reason I still don't think I deserve this-- or not that I don't deserve it but that I didn't earn it or something along those lines. I'm not quite sure what I'm trying to say there but I think you can understand the gist of it.
This realization came to me a while ago but I never really admitted it to myself (or other people as I'm doing here) until yesterday. Three people: my roommate, a best friend, and a random person all told me (within 24 hours of each other... weird!) that I would be very successful. I realized how strange this sounded to me and how unbelievable I thought it was. I also realized that I didn't believe them. I'm trying to believe them but can't quite get there.
It's not that I don't want to be successful. I've dreamed of being happy, having money, and being "successful" (whatever your personal definition of that) my entire life. But dreaming about it doesn't mean I think I'll achieve it.
For the first 14-or-so years of my life I believed success was material: money, houses, cars, jets, and whatever else pop culture tells us it is. I think I was around 15 when I decided that although I wanted those things, what I really wanted was simply to be happy, have fun and enjoy life. It's working so far. I have the car and enough money to sustain what I want in life. Nothing more, nothing less. While neither of these things (car or money) is why I am happy (my happiness in itself is debatable depending on when you ask me)- I truly believe they make me happier.
The reason for the basis of whatever happiness I do have is very simple. I am healthy and have great family and friends. Those three things sound simple but they're HUGE. And without any one of those three I would not be happy and all the money (or cars :p ) in the world wouldn't make me happy.
Another mini revelation: I am afraid to be alone (or left out) despite enjoying time alone once in a while.
Conclusions:
1) I should work on the self confidence thing. I don't know how. I'm a fan of self improvement, learning and growth and I think I can use all of those to gain confidence. But how remains a question.
2) Maybe I will be very successful? I hope so :) because my definition of success is simply happiness. So for me, very successful=very happy.
3) Cherish family, friends, and health (in that order) because they're all that matter.
4) Keep thinking like this! There's no way to improve/change without acknowledging reality first.
Separate Conclusion:
1) Don't be afraid of failure. I am right now but I want to defeat this. "You can't make 100% of the shots you don't take," is a very true quote. But I don't take a lot of "shots" because I'm afraid I'll "fail." Keep trying and I'll be "very successful" like so many people I know think I will. And instead of being surprised when people say nice stuff... just believe them and say thanks. That's gunna be a tough one for me.
G'night! :)
Friday, April 16, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Favorite Color and New Colors: The (Pre-)Sunrise and Blog Respectively
Early childhood friendships often began with "What's your favorite color?" Let's be honest, we did not have much else to talk about at that age. Now that we've moved on to the stock market, weather, and sunk costs (yes, my friends and I talk like this; no, we're not deranged). So with that fact of childhood in mind, I introduce you to the new colors of The Above Mentioned. It was time for a change and I wanted something lighter without moving to white. I think this suits itself nicely and maintains my favorite blue, just to a lesser degree.
Also on the color note, I discovered my new favorite color today. Sorta. I've always been a sucker for dark blue. Classy, classic, and interesting in many different shades I've always drifted towards this color. As a child my Mom had to work very hard to convince me to get clothes that were not dark blue so that I didn't wear the same color day in and day out. Well my new favorite color is a new twist on an old favorite. Coming back from Dunkin Donuts a few minutes ago I noticed a color that nature created. About an hour before sunrise the sky stops being black and turns to an incredibly dark blue- but distinctly blue and not black. It was gorgeous. So instead of watching the sunrise today I stood and noticed the pre-sunrise sky for a moment and thought about how beautiful that was. Sunrises are so 1990s :p
Also on the color note, I discovered my new favorite color today. Sorta. I've always been a sucker for dark blue. Classy, classic, and interesting in many different shades I've always drifted towards this color. As a child my Mom had to work very hard to convince me to get clothes that were not dark blue so that I didn't wear the same color day in and day out. Well my new favorite color is a new twist on an old favorite. Coming back from Dunkin Donuts a few minutes ago I noticed a color that nature created. About an hour before sunrise the sky stops being black and turns to an incredibly dark blue- but distinctly blue and not black. It was gorgeous. So instead of watching the sunrise today I stood and noticed the pre-sunrise sky for a moment and thought about how beautiful that was. Sunrises are so 1990s :p
Monday, April 12, 2010
Physical Manifestation of Emotion
now playing So Slow by Ari Hest via last.fm
So on the subject of emotion. Two weeks ago I decided I wanted to write a post about something that I suppose is an emotion. Or at least a physical symptom of one. You know that way you feel from excitement and anticipation walking down the stairs Christmas morning? Or the way you feel when you found out something you shouldn't and sorta feel guilty about it but are still happy you found out? I had a lot more examples but I think those are enough in addition to a description of it.
Whenever I've felt this way, including recently, the emotion or whatever has been so strong that my head was completely cleared by it and I become much more conscious of a really intense heartbeat. It's sort of shock but also a small amount of awe (especially when you find out something you shouldn't have).
This connects to my last post because I find this physical manifestation of emotions very interesting as well. What happens in a person's head to make their heart beat differently? Why does stress or nerves cause sweaty palms or shaking? Weird! But again, cool...
And I may or may not have found out something I shouldn't have ;)
So on the subject of emotion. Two weeks ago I decided I wanted to write a post about something that I suppose is an emotion. Or at least a physical symptom of one. You know that way you feel from excitement and anticipation walking down the stairs Christmas morning? Or the way you feel when you found out something you shouldn't and sorta feel guilty about it but are still happy you found out? I had a lot more examples but I think those are enough in addition to a description of it.
Whenever I've felt this way, including recently, the emotion or whatever has been so strong that my head was completely cleared by it and I become much more conscious of a really intense heartbeat. It's sort of shock but also a small amount of awe (especially when you find out something you shouldn't have).
This connects to my last post because I find this physical manifestation of emotions very interesting as well. What happens in a person's head to make their heart beat differently? Why does stress or nerves cause sweaty palms or shaking? Weird! But again, cool...
And I may or may not have found out something I shouldn't have ;)
Psych!
now playing Wherever by Five Times August via last.fm
Psych... you know, like what you said after trying to trick someone in elementary school? Hm, perhaps I'm nostalgic tonight. Oh well...
So I have this one class, Organizational Behavior (OB in Babson's language), that contains a lot of psychology of business. Not consumer psychology but psychology of workers/employees/bosses/managers/leaders etc. We have a simulation in about 5 hours about influence and leadership. And this class, along with life in general, has gotten me thinking about my lifelong fascination with psychology. I don't know what this interest stems from. Perhaps it's because I'm crazy (which I am) or because I like people (which I kinda don't). I do like people in the sense that their thoughts and behaviors are interesting. Basically their psychology is interesting.
What motivates people? Why do they act how they do? What makes people think the way they do? I guess I think it becomes most interesting when people can't control things. Perhaps because I'm a control freak, I don't know. Things like chemical imbalances make me question psychology and what really motivates people. Do emotions control us or do we control emotions? I also think it's interesting how some emotions are easily controlled while others are purely instinctual. And what's more fascinating- it varies between person.
I've read a lot about how genetics governs a lot of this. The cause of behavior is a big debate between environmental (upbringing or how you were raised) and genetic (purely scientific). Without any knowledge I would think that upbringing would have more control but from everything I've read the consensus is that genetics determines more about a persons psychology and behavior. Weird. And interesting.
Overanalysis has always been something I've done. I do it with everything but I notice myself doing it more often with psych and other people. In 8th grade I won an academic award and one of my teachers said for one of the speeches about me that he was afraid that I "had them all figured out." Maybe I did and maybe I didn't. But it's true that I like trying to figure people out. And it's only been recently that I've discovered why.
I try to figure people out simply to know them better, be better friends with them, and be a a better friend to them. I like being able to understand people and know their (thought) processes so that I can interact better with them. I'm not sure if this has something to do control, but there's a good chance that it does.
Next thought on my mind is that if I'm awake at 3 am thinking about this have I chosen the wrong major. PSYCH! I have definitely not chosen the wrong major. I definitely don't want to make my life about this and business is a much more appropriate career for me. But I think that within business this is an interesting area of study.
Psych... you know, like what you said after trying to trick someone in elementary school? Hm, perhaps I'm nostalgic tonight. Oh well...
So I have this one class, Organizational Behavior (OB in Babson's language), that contains a lot of psychology of business. Not consumer psychology but psychology of workers/employees/bosses/managers/leaders etc. We have a simulation in about 5 hours about influence and leadership. And this class, along with life in general, has gotten me thinking about my lifelong fascination with psychology. I don't know what this interest stems from. Perhaps it's because I'm crazy (which I am) or because I like people (which I kinda don't). I do like people in the sense that their thoughts and behaviors are interesting. Basically their psychology is interesting.
What motivates people? Why do they act how they do? What makes people think the way they do? I guess I think it becomes most interesting when people can't control things. Perhaps because I'm a control freak, I don't know. Things like chemical imbalances make me question psychology and what really motivates people. Do emotions control us or do we control emotions? I also think it's interesting how some emotions are easily controlled while others are purely instinctual. And what's more fascinating- it varies between person.
I've read a lot about how genetics governs a lot of this. The cause of behavior is a big debate between environmental (upbringing or how you were raised) and genetic (purely scientific). Without any knowledge I would think that upbringing would have more control but from everything I've read the consensus is that genetics determines more about a persons psychology and behavior. Weird. And interesting.
Overanalysis has always been something I've done. I do it with everything but I notice myself doing it more often with psych and other people. In 8th grade I won an academic award and one of my teachers said for one of the speeches about me that he was afraid that I "had them all figured out." Maybe I did and maybe I didn't. But it's true that I like trying to figure people out. And it's only been recently that I've discovered why.
I try to figure people out simply to know them better, be better friends with them, and be a a better friend to them. I like being able to understand people and know their (thought) processes so that I can interact better with them. I'm not sure if this has something to do control, but there's a good chance that it does.
Next thought on my mind is that if I'm awake at 3 am thinking about this have I chosen the wrong major. PSYCH! I have definitely not chosen the wrong major. I definitely don't want to make my life about this and business is a much more appropriate career for me. But I think that within business this is an interesting area of study.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Spoiled
now playing Sad Songs by Matt Nathanson via last.fm
So in an effort to write more posts I'm going to write about something that popped into my head tonight and lead to a few other thoughts. I try write from a list of "future" posts, but they almost never actually make it online. The one's that pop into my head like this are usually more interesting and longer with better thoughts in them.
So here's the thing. Relativity and balance are interests of mine. And my being spoiled is no different. First, I don't think I'm spoiled but like I just said, it's relative. I am not the young adult with the $90,000 BMW convertible that I just drove behind. (For a point of interest... said BMW was just used to drive across campus, an activity that would have taken a maximum of 8 minutes by foot). So... relative to this, I am not spoiled in anyway at all. But I do consider myself a little spoiled.
When I say spoiled I mean materially with that age-old stupid "stuff." I am most definitely spoiled in other ways (family comes to mind first). But on the topic of stuff... I am a little bit of a snob about most things without acting too pretentious or whatever. I just prefer what's better and am used to having it. (Starting to sound like a huge brat here...). However, in many ways I think I settle very easily after first wanting the brand new best stuff. When I got a car I wanted something "good." The one that would appeal to the casual enthusiast and still have lots of creature comforts. It was the same with my BlackBerry and computer. I feel that way about food. Food is one way I am totally spoiled by my parents. Microwavable food shocked me when I got to college. YUCK! But I digress. My point is that somehow I just come to have the "better" of most things. Usually I do this on purpose, once in a while I (as my Dad would say) weasel my way into having the best.
And I think having any and all of this is what makes me a little bit of a snob. I am used to good stuff and I do not like to move backwards or downgrade. And who would? A person gets used to a certain standard and why would anyone want to settle for worse than he already has?
This has a large effect on products. Obviously my area of expertise is cars but I think it applies in many other products too. I recently wrote a post for work (GM Authority Post) about feature content in compact cars increasing. The USA is very prejudiced against small cars and their stripper status in terms of feature content. The post I wrote (read it at the link and you can skip the rest of this paragraph) says how automakers, namely GM in this case, are increasing the number of creature comforts in their small car offerings. This is to provide consumer who are shifting to small cars from (big-ass) SUVs the same feature content which they have become accustomed to.
Toyota has been doing this for a while. The best example being the Lexus IS lineup. It is the smallest Lexus but at approximately $30,000 has most of the features as the $70-90,000 LS. Interesting... and very appealing to someone like me who would have no need for the size but would like the features. Ford and GM are both embracing this philosophy which many European brands have always employed. Just another example of something done better in Europe.
But enough of my car "propaganda" as one of my friends called it recently. The point is that being spoiled isn't such a bad thing. And it can cause huge change in the product market. Usually having these features doesn't come at a huge price in comparison to traditional small cars. This is pretty cool considering the fact that I can go from my Audi to possibly something as small as a Ford Focus or Chevrolet Cruze and not lose any feature content (well... any major features).
This strategy of features at a low price will give high-end product manufacturers huge challenges in the next few years (Apple, Coach, Mercedes, J. Crew: are you guys listening?). Thing is it won't be a problem. Real snobs (not so much me) will be quite happy to pay for brands simply because of the brand. This is something I don't understand... if you can get something just as good for less money, why wouldn't you? Yes. I am a cheap snob.
Example... coming back from the mall tonight I saw a Hyundai. GASP! I liked it! And some of the new Hyundais and Kias are some of the best looking new cars one the market. Partly because they are designed by a former Audi designer (seriously) but still. I mistook it for a Saab- it looked great. And if people could get beyond brand perceptions and a false sense of patriotism (don't even get me started on the people who want to "buy American") they would be perfectly happy in Hyundais.
[Side note... I am almost a "buy american" person myself. But let's be honest. A lot of Hyundais, Mercedes, and BMWs are build in the USA, while a ton of GMs and Fords are built outside of the US of A. My point is that we're a part of a global economy so go ahead and buy whatever because it's all spread out across the world anyways.]
In terms of being spoiled, yes I sort of am. But at the same time I'm a well enough informed consumer to know what to buy, what I want, and how to buy it without being a fool. I wish more people were the same way.
So in an effort to write more posts I'm going to write about something that popped into my head tonight and lead to a few other thoughts. I try write from a list of "future" posts, but they almost never actually make it online. The one's that pop into my head like this are usually more interesting and longer with better thoughts in them.
So here's the thing. Relativity and balance are interests of mine. And my being spoiled is no different. First, I don't think I'm spoiled but like I just said, it's relative. I am not the young adult with the $90,000 BMW convertible that I just drove behind. (For a point of interest... said BMW was just used to drive across campus, an activity that would have taken a maximum of 8 minutes by foot). So... relative to this, I am not spoiled in anyway at all. But I do consider myself a little spoiled.
When I say spoiled I mean materially with that age-old stupid "stuff." I am most definitely spoiled in other ways (family comes to mind first). But on the topic of stuff... I am a little bit of a snob about most things without acting too pretentious or whatever. I just prefer what's better and am used to having it. (Starting to sound like a huge brat here...). However, in many ways I think I settle very easily after first wanting the brand new best stuff. When I got a car I wanted something "good." The one that would appeal to the casual enthusiast and still have lots of creature comforts. It was the same with my BlackBerry and computer. I feel that way about food. Food is one way I am totally spoiled by my parents. Microwavable food shocked me when I got to college. YUCK! But I digress. My point is that somehow I just come to have the "better" of most things. Usually I do this on purpose, once in a while I (as my Dad would say) weasel my way into having the best.
And I think having any and all of this is what makes me a little bit of a snob. I am used to good stuff and I do not like to move backwards or downgrade. And who would? A person gets used to a certain standard and why would anyone want to settle for worse than he already has?
This has a large effect on products. Obviously my area of expertise is cars but I think it applies in many other products too. I recently wrote a post for work (GM Authority Post) about feature content in compact cars increasing. The USA is very prejudiced against small cars and their stripper status in terms of feature content. The post I wrote (read it at the link and you can skip the rest of this paragraph) says how automakers, namely GM in this case, are increasing the number of creature comforts in their small car offerings. This is to provide consumer who are shifting to small cars from (big-ass) SUVs the same feature content which they have become accustomed to.
Toyota has been doing this for a while. The best example being the Lexus IS lineup. It is the smallest Lexus but at approximately $30,000 has most of the features as the $70-90,000 LS. Interesting... and very appealing to someone like me who would have no need for the size but would like the features. Ford and GM are both embracing this philosophy which many European brands have always employed. Just another example of something done better in Europe.
But enough of my car "propaganda" as one of my friends called it recently. The point is that being spoiled isn't such a bad thing. And it can cause huge change in the product market. Usually having these features doesn't come at a huge price in comparison to traditional small cars. This is pretty cool considering the fact that I can go from my Audi to possibly something as small as a Ford Focus or Chevrolet Cruze and not lose any feature content (well... any major features).
This strategy of features at a low price will give high-end product manufacturers huge challenges in the next few years (Apple, Coach, Mercedes, J. Crew: are you guys listening?). Thing is it won't be a problem. Real snobs (not so much me) will be quite happy to pay for brands simply because of the brand. This is something I don't understand... if you can get something just as good for less money, why wouldn't you? Yes. I am a cheap snob.
Example... coming back from the mall tonight I saw a Hyundai. GASP! I liked it! And some of the new Hyundais and Kias are some of the best looking new cars one the market. Partly because they are designed by a former Audi designer (seriously) but still. I mistook it for a Saab- it looked great. And if people could get beyond brand perceptions and a false sense of patriotism (don't even get me started on the people who want to "buy American") they would be perfectly happy in Hyundais.
[Side note... I am almost a "buy american" person myself. But let's be honest. A lot of Hyundais, Mercedes, and BMWs are build in the USA, while a ton of GMs and Fords are built outside of the US of A. My point is that we're a part of a global economy so go ahead and buy whatever because it's all spread out across the world anyways.]
In terms of being spoiled, yes I sort of am. But at the same time I'm a well enough informed consumer to know what to buy, what I want, and how to buy it without being a fool. I wish more people were the same way.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Timeless Age
now playing: nothing
Two months?! Really? Time flies.
There's been a lot of tomorrows in between this and my post about goals. And I've had plenty of ideas for new posts since then. I thought I'd write a lot over spring break but things came up. Projects came and went and some more just popped up- projects are like wack-a-mole, as soon as you beat one down another one pops up.
While off campus in between being out (of my room) for 11/24hours of yesterday and 2.5 hours of today (Saturday) I heard a song that reminded me just how time quickly does go by.
I guess it had to do partially with the subject of the song. Being ready for tomorrow and embracing the future. Tomorrow is like a five year old in hide-and-go-seek. Whether I'm ready or not, here it comes. Sometimes it's more of an "OH SHIT" reaction other times I'm happier than the kid who prefers seeking. Either way tomorrow's a good thing.
It also had to do with the song and it's age. Although it's a little early to say that it made me feel old, it truly did. The song isn't that old but it definitely hasn't seen the AT40 in a while either. And it was big around the time the Killers were just getting on the radio. WEIRD.
Friends are finishing up the 20th birthdays which can only mean one thing... they're gunna start turning 21 soon. Not okay. I'm perfectly happy as a teen. At least right now stupid and reckless are excuses and not just permanent negative personality traits. Not that I'm dreading getting older. I'm really looking forward to this "real world" I've been hearing about for ohhhh about 20 years now, even if college is timeless. (Oh and someone said something about '10 ears from now' and I almost had a mini-meltdown. 30 is not ok with me.) We'll see how it goes, we could all use a little change (no, Allstar was not the song) and if one day means a major number change I think I can live with it.
Two months?! Really? Time flies.
There's been a lot of tomorrows in between this and my post about goals. And I've had plenty of ideas for new posts since then. I thought I'd write a lot over spring break but things came up. Projects came and went and some more just popped up- projects are like wack-a-mole, as soon as you beat one down another one pops up.
While off campus in between being out (of my room) for 11/24hours of yesterday and 2.5 hours of today (Saturday) I heard a song that reminded me just how time quickly does go by.
I guess it had to do partially with the subject of the song. Being ready for tomorrow and embracing the future. Tomorrow is like a five year old in hide-and-go-seek. Whether I'm ready or not, here it comes. Sometimes it's more of an "OH SHIT" reaction other times I'm happier than the kid who prefers seeking. Either way tomorrow's a good thing.
It also had to do with the song and it's age. Although it's a little early to say that it made me feel old, it truly did. The song isn't that old but it definitely hasn't seen the AT40 in a while either. And it was big around the time the Killers were just getting on the radio. WEIRD.
Friends are finishing up the 20th birthdays which can only mean one thing... they're gunna start turning 21 soon. Not okay. I'm perfectly happy as a teen. At least right now stupid and reckless are excuses and not just permanent negative personality traits. Not that I'm dreading getting older. I'm really looking forward to this "real world" I've been hearing about for ohhhh about 20 years now, even if college is timeless. (Oh and someone said something about '10 ears from now' and I almost had a mini-meltdown. 30 is not ok with me.) We'll see how it goes, we could all use a little change (no, Allstar was not the song) and if one day means a major number change I think I can live with it.
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